when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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