So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
