I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
