Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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