i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everclear isn't food dammit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize