i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
