the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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