I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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