I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
