I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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