How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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