I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
