He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
