If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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