Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
