Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
