I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I use my feet as sexual weapons
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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