so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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