But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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