I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize