i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
