My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
