so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
