You really coming over, don't trick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
