We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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