Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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