that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
