Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
