I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
