you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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