Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
