ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
