my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
