the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
