butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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