hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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