R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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