you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
