I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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