I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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