An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
