Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
