She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
