He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
