I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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