Porn is love you can see.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
