if you like me you must not know who I am
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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