I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
