Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
