You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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