My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
