I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
