So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
