I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
