I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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