i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
accomplished twins. life is a go
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
