the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
