Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
