I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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