We won't sleep together?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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