I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
