My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
