can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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