Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
