you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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