Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's blow job season.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
