Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
