Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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