i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
