Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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