it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
