Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
