This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
