Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
