First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
